Friday, February 8, 2013

Looking back

I took a nostalgic walk through my old earthmama blog and remembered the days when I was productive and busy and happy. I miss the days spent outside puttering in the garden growing lots of food and preserving my harvest to be consumed during the cold days of winter. I miss starting new projects weather they be quilts or knitting or crochet.
I miss working outside the home and going to the gym. Although I never though I would miss that!
But most of all I miss the old me, the one that would try to learn something and do it saying to myself how hard could it be.
Now the how hard could it be comes from my health, this disease that has taken my old life and left me with this.
I am angry and sad. I know I am better off than a lot of people suffering CFS I am grateful that I am able to still do all I can. But today I am having a pity party and I just don't know how to stop.
I have been out today and taken hubby to collect a car from dandenong but I was planing to go do a shop. But that now has to wait till tomorrow as the little energy I had has been used up.
This is me now, only so many spoons and I have to be careful how I use them.
See ya

7 comments:

  1. ((HUGS))) I've had a pitty party here too. But for dd and I'd have to be honest how the illness affects the whole household.

    Have you read any Echart Tolle (he might just help you get out of the mindset or even Louse Hay)

    Lots of love Leanne

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  2. "today I am having a pity party"

    My chronic problem is pain, and how sorry for myself I feel comes and goes. I try to be patient with what appears to be the cycles around this.

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  3. Pity partuy huh? This was yesterday for me and the night before. I just had an asthma attack but with thebaby could n't risk medications. The thing is i have allergic asthma and i am just allergic to one thing due to overexposure as a child..tabacco. My husband smoked and i had to suffer.. again. Ok, now that i think about it maybe pity party is not over yet. I do not feel like letting go of my grumpyness just yet.
    Cfs is horrible, and people are so misunderstanding. It is even more horrible when it comes to live, vibrant people such as you. And although i know what the c stands for, i know..know that this is not going to haunt you for ever. Lots of love and light!
    Ps. about Solomon's Seal you should order some since it is very cheap, at least here in Greece it is..

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  4. Hello Angela
    We are all allowed a PP now and again - today just happens to have been your day. Do you find you feel worse in this hot weather we are having or are the cooler days a burden?
    I'm sure you have read on my blog about my back and the PP days I have had - I found the support of the blog community went a long way to reassuring me I wasn't alone, there were people out there that cared. The golfer is great where that is concerned but it amazes me that complete strangers come forward with words of comfort
    Take care
    Cathy

    Cathy @ Still Waters

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  5. It is good to vent and have pity party's. but do not follow in my foot steps. They will lead to depression. Put up a mental fight. Every day I wake up now and say to my self I am happy no matter what. I spend most of my day in my chair. But my working energy is spent on the computer now. But I say to my self, I can not do it now. But some day I will do it again. I am going to try really hard to garden this year. I started my seed for tomato last night. But don't ever give up hope. If you can try to do some thing for just 1 min or 10 min. You have achieved something. But the only thing important in this life is love. No amount of pain. Can take away our happiness from the love of our family and friends. Big hug my friends.

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  6. I have my own pity parties now and again. All I can focus on now is what I can do, which isn't much.
    When I look through my old journal, it sends me down in the dumps, I try not to read it anymore unless I have to try to remember when we purchased something.
    So... move over, sister, you aren't alone.

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  7. You have been sent a blog award - but but no kittie photos on your blog yet????

    Love Leanne

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